Complete

“GOD made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. 

When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. 

Now I’m alert to GOD ’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. 

Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. 

I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. 

GOD rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.”

(Psalm 18:20-24 MSG)

Taiwan

Taiwan is a really tourist-friendly country, well Taipei to be specific, and commuting in Taiwan is fairly easy and convenient.

I touched down the airport with good feelings and knew my solo adventure was going to start!

Taoyuan International Airport has signages to direct you to places, so you won't have to be afraid of getting lost. It's also a beautiful airport btw.

The ride from the airport to the HSR station is only 20min. 

On the first day, I was on my way to Chiayi, Puzih to meet my Couchsurfing host. A beautiful young lady from Poland who's here at Taiwan for an internship. So we were corresponding through texts and she directed me to Puzih. Taoyuan International Airport > Taoyuan HSR > Chiayi HSR > Took a BRT to Puzih. While navigating my way to a 7-eleven to meet Emilia, I got myself a 烤地瓜。I absolutely miss this, first had it in China! 

Emilia then took me to a night market together with her 2 colleagues, a Taiwanese and a Russian. It's funny how they say Puzih is 'nowhere' in Taiwan and trust me, it's really 'nowhere'. But I'm glad I went 'nowhere' to meet these 3 beautiful ladies. 

I tried stinky toufu for the first time and I love it! 

Emilia had 2 cups of 西瓜汁 (watermelon juice) and I had 1. Apparently, she frequents this night market and even the store owner knows her and her friends already. The store owner was like “她每次都点西瓜汁。她要点别的吗？” Emilia looked at me like "What?" And so I translated what the store owner said. And Emilia was like "不。我喜欢西瓜汁。我爱西瓜汁。” Hahaha! She's so funny. 

And I ended my first night in her apartment as we chatted for 2 hours before snoozing off into lalaland. 

I'm not afraid of traveling alone. This may sound presumptuous, but I always believe God is with me, so come what may (:

Light, fluffy rain

I was busy scrolling through Pinterest at the bus stop this morning. And as I looked up I realised it's started to rain. I could hear a mixture of the city life and the sounds of nature. The sounds of engines zooming past, and the sounds of crickets chirping. But I didn't realise the rain because I didn't hear it. I'm just so amazed by its silent beauty. Light and fluffy (: it almost looks like snow!

Thank God for His beautiful world. 

If you have nothing to die for, you have nothing to live for

During the last session of Global Awareness in 2015, our youths learnt about the worldwide refugee situation. Global Awareness started this year in R-AGE with the intention of developing us into global Christians, simply because we serve the God of all nations! As we were sharing our reflections, a youth said, “Things are just going to get worse, this world is doomed for destruction. Our only hope is in Christ.” Wow! What a bold statement made by this young man! Ain’t it true? Who then shall go and tell these refugees that their only hope is in Christ?

When we look at the world we live in today, we see evil and corruption everywhere. Jesus already warned us, we are not to be surprised. All these things are prophecies being fulfilled. The end is near; the urgency shall increase. The earth is fading away and God’s people shall arise!

“Here am I, send me!” God shall be pleased, if everyone of us respond in this way and participate in His work that carries eternal value! I want to do missions beyond the borders of my own country. Missions at places where the powers of darkness seem to be in full force. Missions at places where we deem to be unstable and dangerous. Missions at places where a believer could be in a life-threatening position.

Where is the safest place but in God’s presence? Where is the safest place but where God calls you to be? Where is God calling you to go? What is He calling you to do? Will you respond by faith? For to live is Christ and to die is gain. What shall we be afraid of?

Death?

 If you have nothing to die for, you have nothing to live for.

YAY

I AM HAPPY!

Really getting my life back together now! (:

死水

怎么办？我觉得我的生活好像一潭死水。没有值得我去奋斗的事情。没有值得我去面对的挑战。好像是没有乐趣没有向往的生活。这样子好累。

我知道我需要的是祂的活水。可是我好像连张开嘴巴喝活水的斗志都没有。这不就是等于想死吗？

I'm 21.

Turning 21 ushers in freedom and new experiences! Freedom in making my own choices; doing things that I've always wanted to do but didn't dare to until now!

Not big, significant things. Just small, significant steps that I would consider tiny milestones that will build me up as a young and independent lady!

1. Pulling an all-nighters at Starbucks alone, because I simply am more productive at night. And working in my bedroom isn't helping when the bed is right beside me.

2. Going to the movies alone; totally enjoyed myself!

3. Planning for a solo trip overseas and going with an open mind to meet and stay with complete strangers. My parents and teachers tell me, "Don't talk to strangers." But... I don't believe in that.

Life is full of surprises! How should I feel, for what God has in store for me in this life except excitement and anticipation? So thankful!

Absolutely Thankful.

Still absolutely frustrated.

Still absolutely annoyed.

Still absolutely messed up.

Still absolutely burnt out.

Still.

But I see the little things that make me happy in my life.

And I see the many people who encourages me every now and then.

So, even though I'm still absolutely.

But I'm still absolutely thankful.

Is this considered beauty, to see absolutely contradicting feeling/thoughts living together?

I'm so tired.
Thank You.

REAL.

Appreciating them.

In their presence, 

I don't have to put up a front.

I don't have to act like I have it altogether.

I can be weak.

I can be real.
I can be human.

What kind of a world are we living in now?
It's no wonder we're all tired.
It's because we haven't been real.
It's because the masks on our faces is starting to suffocate us.

Where can we find a place, where we can be real?

我不想，但我要

虽然不想，但还得。

是成长的过程，必须经历。

是建立信念的过程，必须坚持。

随着祂的旨意，才对。

“吹啊吹啊 我的骄傲放纵“

我不能骄傲。

我要谦卑。

我要成长。

我要成熟。

野子

演唱：苏运莹 feat.田馥甄
作词：苏运莹
作曲：苏运莹

就算累了也要面带笑容。我问自己，那是伪装还是一种给自己力量的鼓励呢？

就算失去斗志也要坚持下去。我问自己，那是因为要做给别人看还是打从心里不想放弃呢？

“ 吹啊吹啊 我的骄傲放纵

吹啊吹不毁我纯净花园

任风吹 任它乱

毁不灭是我 尽头的展望

吹啊吹啊 我赤脚不害怕

我吹啊吹啊 无所谓扰乱我

你看我在勇敢地微笑

你看我在勇敢地去挥手啊 ”

My Mask

I want to face the world with smiles!

"How are you doing?"

"Very good!"

That's the problem. When such a question becomes a greeting instead of a question with the intention of gathering a substantial response.

I don't actually feel hypocritical when I reply, "Very good!" to someone, when in actual fact, I'm not doing very well. 

This happened just last week. When someone asked me this question, and I responded, "Very good!" with a wide smile and a thumbs up. But I know that's just a mask to hide my true countenance. My response caught me by surprise, as I spent more thought reflecting on why I responded that way.

"How are you doing?"

"Bad. What are you going to do about it?"

LOL! Surely that kinda response will cause anyone to be taken aback.

You know why I responded that way?

Because I do not wanna affect you with my negative energy.

You know why I responded that way?

Because I'm too tired to open my heart to share what's dark inside. 

That's why. So when I respond, "Very good!" I don't feel hypocritical. 

But it takes humility and trust to say, "Bad. Can you help me out?"

But what if, I'm too tired to receive help? What does that mean?

A Wreck

I guess, there will never be a time when we can stand right before God. 

Actually, it's not a guess.

Not in my own strength and righteousness. 

Because whatever season I am in, my life is always filled with brokenness and imperfections. 

When I wanna run away, He hem me in behind and before.

He feels far away, but He's just right here, with His hands laid on my head.

I'm afraid of the consequences I have to face as a result of my decisions.

But I'm too tired to be afraid. 

"Raise up your hands if you want to come home to Jesus."

But... I'm too tired to raise up my hands. 

If I have to go home, Jesus, come and carry me home please.

I'm sorry. I'm such a wreck.

Blessed.

I am very blessed. God is good, gentle, patient and kind.

Even when I'm a wreck, or rather, constantly a wreck, He's always that good, gentle, patient and kind God towards me. 

Bereaved

Life is fleeting. 

One moment you can be talking to someone, the next moment she's not around anymore. Though she is not close to me.. But I've seen her, we've talked. I saw how she loves her daughter, how she pampers her daughter, dote on her. And now.. She's gone. I can't help but feel bereaved and weep for this loss of a great mother who just wants the best for her children. Why? How? Why? Why? Why?

My heart is broken and grieving. 

Rumbling Thoughts

I've been feeling very deprived of  fellowship lately. But it's just the way things are sometimes, or most of the time. At certain points, we'd feel alone or lonely. 

It's tough to be involved and be engaged in conversations... When friends just talk about boys, and you're not always interested. Because other things fill your mind... Like your dreams, future, social issues, things going on in the world... 

But I'm not looking for people to discuss about these issues intellectually, I'm just hoping to talk to people who can exchange hearts and build up my empathy to the victims of these social issues. 

---

It's becoming more evident to me that the world's definition of success is infiltrating the minds of those around me. Money, fame, power. Success is when i get all the things i dreamed of getting (often materialistically).. Success is when I've got everything I want to make my life comfortable.. Success is when I buy that new car and earn a 5-figure salary. Success is when I'm only 21 and I clinched that advertisement opportunity.. In this case, I am never a success if I live by the world's definition. 

"Everything's too worldly..." Just got reminded (as I type this) by this fellow colleague back in my internship days as a student, he actually has a book in the stores that's filled with his life's philosophy. I was quite surprised he said that, because such things I only hear at the pulpit or in my Christian community. 

Indeed, everything is too worldly. There's so much noise and too many voices. 

Amidst all these clutter, it is a challenge to be still and know that You are God. But this is my constant desire anyway, to be still and know that You are God 

If you matter to me, I'll find out more. But since you don't, I'll just let it go. If something serious and sincere to one person is strange to another, what can I say?

Crying and Calling

Tears just welled up my eyes as I was reading an article written about a recent missions trip that the R-AGE team went for. It brought me to tears. I texted the writer, Esna. She said I'm crying because my heart is breaking for the world. And I remembered praying to God this morning, to lead me to be sure of my calling. Is this how it feels to be sure of my calling? Because crying reminds me of my calling. Crying shows me the reality of my deepest longing, that longs to meet the world's hunger.

Emotionally Engaged Now

Wow.. I'm feeling it. I'm really feeling it now. For those who have been feeling for me, thank you. Right now... My heart feels heavy and I know it's a decision that I have to make on my own. Ahh, feeling it feeling it. 

Breakthrough!

Yesterday I experienced a breakthrough in my spiritual life (: for the longest time, my emotions have been very disengaged with God. But yesterday, I could actually feel Him and feel Him working in and through me. 

So, during staff prayer before J333, one of the staff was praying for God to give us a heart of compassion for those who are coming in to ask for prayer of healing. Then, I felt like faith suddenly arose in me and I felt a gush of compassion falling on me. At that point, my soul was praising God and believing that healing will take place today. 

Suddenly, I felt something welling up in my stomach and I started feeling dizzy in my head. I knew that something was gonna happen. 

Throughout worship, I really focused on God wholeheartedly, just worshipping Him with songs and new songs! (I think studying ISOM does help, it's this course for interns and ministry staff) Coz we're covering lessons on Praise and Worship (:

When it was time to pray and minister, I did! I prayed for 3 people today. 1 for sin, 1 for legit healing and 1 for emotional healing. Wow... And I just hope I can do this for the rest of my life. 

Somehow, God grew a burden for me in this area of healing! He grew compassion in my heart. And after yesterday's experience at J333, it affirmed my desires to be a minister in God's kingdom! :D