我是神的孩子

Yes, yes. I am not a regular blogger ok? But I'm going to blog today! I just can't not record this down.

So, sem 3.1 was over like more than a month ago and I can still remember how my core modules would kill me. Particularly this module called Media Law. 

Yes. I am going to blog about how Media Law made me cry.

Just the first few weeks of school, I was already very stressed out by Media Law, I promise it is one of the modules that can get me to do consistent revision and that was exactly what I did after the first lecture and tutorial. 

I did my revision okay...

I admit I am not a very intellectual person. I don't like and am not interested in things like politics, economics and all the whatever business-ish stuffs ok. What more law?! Omgosh. Surprisingly, law is quite interesting lah (: but just a little bit hard for me to catch fast and understand. 

I remember, I would really like mobilize my friends who took law as one of their module and ask them questions and clarify and then get all stress over it!

There was once I asked my 好姐妹 Fer about contract law, and she said in a very matter of fact way, "So easy!" (Yes Fer, I know you'll be reading this. LOL.) And then I was quite taken aback and disappointed in myself for not grasping such an EASY concept well. So after that, I was with my group mates and we were discussing some law case studies and again, I didn't understand, and so I asked my other 好姐妹 Crystal to explain to me and she said, "Why you don't understand?" (But they weren't out to put me down, really. They were really nice. But I just had to be very hard on myself)

But... Okay! That's it! I AM OFFICIALLY SLOW AND STUPID. That was seriously what I thought to myself at that time and I just wanted to cry! I studied before our discussion of the case studies! Why don't I understand? Why was I so slow and stupid? I'm gonna do real bad for this module. I'm gonna FAIL!

So finally, in just a matter of weeks from the start of school, I begin to be really stressed out. I was worried. I was drowning myself in the fact that I'm slow and stupid and that I have to work extra hard to catch up with my friends.

I was really very sad.

So for the whole evening, I was just SAD. Sad okay. Sad.

I felt discouraged and I was tired.

So when I reached home in the evening, I just locked myself in the room and emo-ed. I thought it wasn't very healthy to keep my troubles to myself so I texted an older friend. But she didn't reply. Then because I was so emotionally and mentally down, I fell asleep and then I woke up again at night. Nope. Sleep did not make me feel any better. Such things don't actually work. I felt worst (Feelings and emotions usually gets magnified at night if you realize). 

So I texted Kristine jie. And she replied me with a bible verse.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Omgosh. How can I forget this verse? I seriously forgotten this verse at that point in my situation. I was, indeed, anxious. Yet, I've forgotten to tell God about it.

And then something very timely came. Another friend texted me and encouraged me to listen to some Christian songs. So I went to YouTube and typed, "耶稣爱你". I needed to hear that Jesus loves me at that point. So as I scrolled through the suggested videos, a song title caught my attention, it was 

"神的孩子". 

So I went to listen and I just broke down and cried.
God was speaking to me through the song.

神的孩子 不要沮丧

(I was really sad at that time and God told me not to be.)

举目向上望
(I was just looking at myself, 
at how slow and stupid I was 
and I forgot to look up at God to see 
how strong and mighty is He.)

神在天上 不分昼夜

时时看顾你

(He takes care of me day and night, 

He watches over me.)

虽有艰难 虽有愁苦

仍在他手里

(Even though I struggle, even though I'm sorrowed, it's okay... 

Because everything is under His control.)

他必叫万事互相效力

使你福杯满溢

(He will make all things work together for me to be filled again.)

不要看环境 不看自己
凡专心倚靠他的 必重新得力
(He assured me not to look at my environment or myself, 
but to depend on Him and He will renew my strength.)

每个祷告 他都垂听





千万别放弃




(He listens to my prayers.)

永远不要忘记

你要忠心走到底

(I shall walk by faith.)

神的孩子 在主爱中

得享他安息

(I am God's child and in His love I attain true peace.)

永远不要忘记
你是神所爱孩子

(I am God's child and He loves me.)

And back then, my prayers were cries of gladness and assurance. 

No one else can touch my heart like You do.

Who Am I?

You know how great the feeling is when you are very sure of your identity? That you're not lost, that you know your identity is something you can live by and be secure in.

But not everyone can successfully find an identity for himself.

For me, I do have the knowledge that my identity is in the One who is never changing, everlasting and unfailingly loving. And because of Him, I don't have to be insecure about my appearance, about how people think about me, because my identity is in the One who matters in my life.

But I start to get confused when I have to speak differently and act differently in front of different groups of people whom I'm close with.

Like for example, there're some topics I can talk about with Group A, but there're some topics I can't talk about with Group A. Or... I can behave or speak in this certain way because it is according to Group A's culture, but such a culture would bring a little shock to my friends in Group B. HAHAHAHA! Why do I sound like I have so many friends?! Maybe I do uh :P

Oh man. And recently, the Facebook app, God Wants You To Know told me this: 

It's time to let people know the real you. Be who you are, not who you think people want you to be. You are more beautiful on the inside than you realize, and you need to share that beauty with others. Be transparent, let your guard down, let people know the real you.

HAHAHA! Crap. This is very hard to do. I feel differently in front of different people. How  to be the real me? Which is even the real me?! Nvm. I'm not distressed over this. I'm just wondering.

Byebye!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. - 2 Corinthians 5:17

My Father dotes on me.

I have always been a very blessed child.

I always get what I want (:

But, maybe that's because I don't really have many things that I want. Or otherwise, whatever I want, would be aligned to the desires of my parents (but most of the time, my mom).

As a child, I was always taught not to ask for anything. Here's why. I have 2 half sisters who are older than me. But to be honest, I really see them as just my sisters. I'm always on good terms with them, and through their speech and actions, I know, too, that they love me as a younger sister (: Although, we do get into fights and arguments in our growing years. I mean, which siblings don't right? Haha!

Okay, so what about my 2 older sisters? My parents were just afraid that everytime they got me something, my 2 sisters would get jealous. So.. When I was a child, I didn't dare to ask my parents to buy me things. Most of the time, they'd say no, because they didn't want my sisters to get jealous. And as time passes, I learnt to not even ask for anything from them. Or otherwise, I'd ask, but I wouldn't expect them to actually do it.

But, even so, I'd always receive my wants somehow, if not from my parents (: I've always wanted to learn the piano. My dad promised that he'd let me. But eventually, he didn't. Thankfully, I've got an electric organ at home, so I started to play around with it when I was 6 (: and then I joined the concert band, and I gained knowledge of reading music. And with this knowledge, I went to learn the piano myself (: And then, a family friend taught me music theory for about 2 months, but I gave up. Haha! I suspect I have ADHD. Theory bores me! But still, I didn't give up playing the piano (: And then I told my mom I wanted a piano, I didn't want the organ, and a few months later, a family friend didn't want her piano anymore. And she gave hers to me :O

I wanted to learn the guitar too. I have no idea, why there was a guitar at my house. No one plays the guitar! Haha! But I learnt from my elder sister that her friend lent it to her, but it eventually became hers! Haha. She left the house and left behind the guitar. Before I received Christ, I tried playing, but I couldn't get the hang of it. After I received Christ, I had a strong desire to pick up the guitar, because I wanted to use it to sing praises to God. Athena taught me the basics! Thank God for a sister like her (: And God took over from there (:

Those mentioned above are just a few things that I got when I had my wants.

My parents dote on me. Especially my dad, I'd remember when my mom would chase me around the room with a hanger or a cane because of my mischievousness, and then my dad would protect me, hide me under his blanket and he'd get hit by my mom because of me. haha!

But as I grew older, I drifted away from my dad and grew closer to my mom. I just couldn't stand his over-protectiveness in my life. I still feel that, he shouldn't refrain his children from suffering because it's only through suffering that'll build up our characters. I remember when I was in secondary school, I'd go home crying, because of the immense stress I was going through (that's another story). Guess what my over-protective dad would say? QUIT! That's where we clash. We're both very strong-opinionated. I'm not gonna quit! And hearing that from my dad isn't helping either. What I really needed then was motivation and encouragement that will strengthen me to overcome that obstacle in my life.

Oh well! Haha!

But my dad is still human (: And even earthly parents will fail us sometimes. 

But I do know that my heavenly Father is perfect (:

My perfect heavenly Father sent me my imperfect earthly parents to love me, provide for me and dote on me (: and I am thankful for my earthly parents.

Anyway! Would you believe me if I told you God helped me with my homework? :D HAHAHA! This is how my heavenly Father would pamper me!

Okay, here's how.

My group is working on a magazine project, and we all have to write 2 compulsory articles for the magazine. My first article was a food review on Carpenter and Cook! I was thinking of writing a profile for my second article, and I thought of who I wanted to ask for help. But, I thought it'd be boring and I wanted to try something new. But it's okay, I put that at the back of my head, and planned to settle it after I submit my first article.

So one day, I was having lunch with my friend at the atrium, and we stumbled upon noisesingapore. The whole set up was quite attractive and so I went in to explore. And when I stepped in I was just like. WOW. There were the displays and works of many local artists, and there was a section for local singers and bands. I immediately went and recorded all of their names, because with social media, you can reach anyone you're looking for ;) hehe.

And a name caught my attention. Vanessa Faith. I knew for sure that she could be a sister in Christ (:

And guess what? A few days later, one of my seniors posted on my cca facebook group wall, and called us to go down to support her as she was coming to our school for a gig. And she was a senior who graduated many years back.

Oh man. How faithful and awesome can my heavenly Father be? I really don't have to worry about my homework right Haha! And through my senior, I managed to reach her :D

I officially met up with Vanessa Faith for the first time! Before that, I was really nervous, because I didn't know what to expect and I really didn't know who she is.

But the whole session didn't feel like it was an interview, more like a session of fellowship.

It's amazing how Jesus brings people together.

 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:14