Rumbling Thoughts

I've been feeling very deprived of  fellowship lately. But it's just the way things are sometimes, or most of the time. At certain points, we'd feel alone or lonely. 

It's tough to be involved and be engaged in conversations... When friends just talk about boys, and you're not always interested. Because other things fill your mind... Like your dreams, future, social issues, things going on in the world... 

But I'm not looking for people to discuss about these issues intellectually, I'm just hoping to talk to people who can exchange hearts and build up my empathy to the victims of these social issues. 

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It's becoming more evident to me that the world's definition of success is infiltrating the minds of those around me. Money, fame, power. Success is when i get all the things i dreamed of getting (often materialistically).. Success is when I've got everything I want to make my life comfortable.. Success is when I buy that new car and earn a 5-figure salary. Success is when I'm only 21 and I clinched that advertisement opportunity.. In this case, I am never a success if I live by the world's definition. 

"Everything's too worldly..." Just got reminded (as I type this) by this fellow colleague back in my internship days as a student, he actually has a book in the stores that's filled with his life's philosophy. I was quite surprised he said that, because such things I only hear at the pulpit or in my Christian community. 

Indeed, everything is too worldly. There's so much noise and too many voices. 

Amidst all these clutter, it is a challenge to be still and know that You are God. But this is my constant desire anyway, to be still and know that You are God 

If you matter to me, I'll find out more. But since you don't, I'll just let it go. If something serious and sincere to one person is strange to another, what can I say?

Crying and Calling

Tears just welled up my eyes as I was reading an article written about a recent missions trip that the R-AGE team went for. It brought me to tears. I texted the writer, Esna. She said I'm crying because my heart is breaking for the world. And I remembered praying to God this morning, to lead me to be sure of my calling. Is this how it feels to be sure of my calling? Because crying reminds me of my calling. Crying shows me the reality of my deepest longing, that longs to meet the world's hunger.