Blessed.

I am very blessed. God is good, gentle, patient and kind.

Even when I'm a wreck, or rather, constantly a wreck, He's always that good, gentle, patient and kind God towards me. 

Bereaved

Life is fleeting. 

One moment you can be talking to someone, the next moment she's not around anymore. Though she is not close to me.. But I've seen her, we've talked. I saw how she loves her daughter, how she pampers her daughter, dote on her. And now.. She's gone. I can't help but feel bereaved and weep for this loss of a great mother who just wants the best for her children. Why? How? Why? Why? Why?

My heart is broken and grieving. 

Rumbling Thoughts

I've been feeling very deprived of  fellowship lately. But it's just the way things are sometimes, or most of the time. At certain points, we'd feel alone or lonely. 

It's tough to be involved and be engaged in conversations... When friends just talk about boys, and you're not always interested. Because other things fill your mind... Like your dreams, future, social issues, things going on in the world... 

But I'm not looking for people to discuss about these issues intellectually, I'm just hoping to talk to people who can exchange hearts and build up my empathy to the victims of these social issues. 

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It's becoming more evident to me that the world's definition of success is infiltrating the minds of those around me. Money, fame, power. Success is when i get all the things i dreamed of getting (often materialistically).. Success is when I've got everything I want to make my life comfortable.. Success is when I buy that new car and earn a 5-figure salary. Success is when I'm only 21 and I clinched that advertisement opportunity.. In this case, I am never a success if I live by the world's definition. 

"Everything's too worldly..." Just got reminded (as I type this) by this fellow colleague back in my internship days as a student, he actually has a book in the stores that's filled with his life's philosophy. I was quite surprised he said that, because such things I only hear at the pulpit or in my Christian community. 

Indeed, everything is too worldly. There's so much noise and too many voices. 

Amidst all these clutter, it is a challenge to be still and know that You are God. But this is my constant desire anyway, to be still and know that You are God