Philippians 3:14

Keep looking forward, don't look back.

Scared & Sinking

Recently, God compelled me to make a faith-stretching decision.

Well, to me, it's kinda considered faith-stretching. 

I'll be posting about it soon. I must archive that as part of my life history! Haha. 

Like in Matthew 14:28-29 (Jesus walks on water), Jesus encouraged Peter to take that step of faith to walk on sea, towards Him. What happened very soon was, Peter started to be distracted by the waves and lost focus on Jesus. He grew scared and started sinking. 

I've taken that step out to walk towards Jesus, but on my second step, my faith and trust in Him is starting to waver and I feel like I'm sinking. I'm stuck. I'm scared to walk on. I don't want to move. 

There's just so much uncertainties about my future right now.

Though God has called, and I have answered, but it's a struggle to trust.  

I want to trust. I want to have faith. I desire to.

Then these voices are like the waves that are distracting me.

"What is your 5-year plan?"//"Are you going back to school?"//"Don't you want to get married?"//"They're just worried about your future."

I have no 5-year plan. I only know God has His plans ordained for my life.

//

I have no idea if I'm going back to school.

//

Of course I want to get married, but it's not something I would constantly think about in this season of my life now right? 

//

I know. But your worry is infectious and it's affecting me and hindering me from drawing closer to God.

All these questions asked out of goodwill. And I really appreciate the people who asked them.

Whatever it is, I've already taken that step out in faith, if I don't trust God, I'm gonna sink.

Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?
Galatians 3:3

Am I gonna walk this through my own strength? No, I don't want to.

But I really need God's help through these struggles.

Even as I'm sinking, He will lift me up.

A Life of Repentance

My heart at its most fundamental level, so desires to please my fleshly self. This, sin.

//The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jer 17:9//

Many times we try to hide the sins in our lives, afraid it being exposed. But that definitely isn't helping. I mean, I know that hiding sins won't help. But what I learnt today was that, if I try to hide sin, I'm just trying to save my FALSE reputation, while trying to hide the truth about myself. What's the truth about myself? That I'm just a broken, helpless person, searching and searching and searching for something to please myself leaving me with emptiness, when I'm apart from Jesus. But God is so loving and gracious, He knowing the many sins in my life, yet not treating me or disciplining me with manipulative fear, but with grace, love and mercy.

God wants to start from my heart, my heart that's desperately sick, as written in Ezekiel 36:26

//A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.//

We definitely don't want a bunch of robots coming to church, just trying to fight sin outwardly when truly, the root of our sin lies in our hearts. Therefore, we need need need to start from our hearts.

And don't so deceive ourselves that we don't sin.

//If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:8-9//

Only God can convict us and change our hearts. God has the power to open our eyes and let us see Christ. When we see Christ, we wanna flee from sin, away from darkness and run towards God and live in the light. We wanna put off sin and put on faith. Because when we see Christ, we see that sin is in rebellion to Christ. So, it becomes a must to get rid off this rebellion (sin). 

We are humans, and we always sin. Again and again and again. Therefore, we need to live a life of repentance. That we grieve because we grieved a holy God.

Repentance is a discovery of the evil of sin, 

a mourning that we committed it,

and a resolution to forsake it. 

It is, in fact, a change of mind of a 

very deep and practical character, 

which makes the man love what he once hate

and hate what he once loved.

Charles Spurgeon

Many of us have the idea that, it's really okay, it's fine, if we keep stumbling and falling and stumbling and falling. Because when we eventually sin coz we can't resist temptation. God has already forgiven us, because Jesus has already paid the price for our sins. Well, that's true. But...

NOOOOOO. God forgave our sins so that we can know Him and love Him! God didn't forgive our sins so that we can keep on sinning! We don't really like the 'idea' of repentance, maybe because it sounds negative. But it's necessary in our Christian walk.

Our life, as Pastor Simon Murphy, puts it, is like a construction sites. Every little thing is happening at the same time. And God is working in it. With chisels and hammers, knocking here and there (ouch does this sound painful, haha! Actually, it is) and filling up cracks and holes and covering them up with His righteousness.

As I receive His grace specifically to overcome the sins in my life, I can't help but be merciful and gracious, speaking the truth in love to others. Because I, myself, am a sinner. It's really hard, I must admit that I'm not like that. And I'm fighting against this, turning to Jesus, because He gives me the confidence to admit sin and error in my life and empower me to turn away from it.

My life, ought to be a life of repentance.

I've been greatly blessed by the service at Redemption Hill Church this evening.