Scared & Sinking

Recently, God compelled me to make a faith-stretching decision.

Well, to me, it's kinda considered faith-stretching. 

I'll be posting about it soon. I must archive that as part of my life history! Haha. 

Like in Matthew 14:28-29 (Jesus walks on water), Jesus encouraged Peter to take that step of faith to walk on sea, towards Him. What happened very soon was, Peter started to be distracted by the waves and lost focus on Jesus. He grew scared and started sinking. 

I've taken that step out to walk towards Jesus, but on my second step, my faith and trust in Him is starting to waver and I feel like I'm sinking. I'm stuck. I'm scared to walk on. I don't want to move. 

There's just so much uncertainties about my future right now.

Though God has called, and I have answered, but it's a struggle to trust.  

I want to trust. I want to have faith. I desire to.

Then these voices are like the waves that are distracting me.

"What is your 5-year plan?"//"Are you going back to school?"//"Don't you want to get married?"//"They're just worried about your future."

I have no 5-year plan. I only know God has His plans ordained for my life.

//

I have no idea if I'm going back to school.

//

Of course I want to get married, but it's not something I would constantly think about in this season of my life now right? 

//

I know. But your worry is infectious and it's affecting me and hindering me from drawing closer to God.

All these questions asked out of goodwill. And I really appreciate the people who asked them.

Whatever it is, I've already taken that step out in faith, if I don't trust God, I'm gonna sink.

Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?
Galatians 3:3

Am I gonna walk this through my own strength? No, I don't want to.

But I really need God's help through these struggles.

Even as I'm sinking, He will lift me up.