what good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?

Just one or two days ago, I was overwhelmed by the amount of assignments I had to do and the amount of materials I had to revise and study. I mean, come on, who doesn't wanna do well for school? Isn't it every students' aim to score more than average grades and impress anyone at all? For me, a GPA of 3.5 was the lowest I must get. Anything below that is considered BAD. That's for me, and that's the expectation I set for myself. As compared to the other students in my course, a GPA of 3.5 isn't very high.

I wanted to cultivate the habit of consistency, so that I don't have  to be a mugger when my papers are near. But because of the many small commitments that I'm taking up, I always reached home tired and unfocused. So I can only get very few things done.

Little did I know that I was actually slowly placing these responsibilities above my source of hope, strength, comfort, rest and refuge.

Just yesterday morning, I was doing my quiet time on Deuteronomy 4 (Idolatry forbidden).

V23: Be careful not to forget the covenant of the Lord your God that he made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the Lord your God has forbidden.

In a world like this, there are so many things that can distract me from my focus on God. Things of this world can often trick me into falling prey of idolatry, simple and what seem like harmless everyday things such as music, media, people, materials, even my own studies or even myself - aiming to be that someone who meets all my own expectations and standards. Yes. All these can end up being my idols.

And yet again, what good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? All the short-term goals I set for myself?


The things of this world will fade, but God, my Father, my source of hope, will never fade. Is it not true that you'll get drained, when you work so hard, and you have no idea what you're working so hard for? Or maybe you're working hard for your future, but yet again, who can affirm you that your plans will not falter? Who can you seek hope from? Who can affirm you? Who can promise you an eternity of assurance and affirmation?

These few days, I was quite stressed up and physically, emotionally and spiritually drained. I was so worried. I was not excited about anything. I lost sight of my Father. And I felt bad. Really bad. I mean. I know the truth. He will be with me wherever I go, He will not forsake me. But the thing is, I am drifting away from Him, and I am forsaking Him. I am the problem. And that is bad. Really bad. I didn't want whatever that was happening to happen. And what's worst? I didn't realize that my potential of being a victim of idolatry was possible, until, I had dinner with my discipleship group yesterday.

Mel asked us how has our walk with God been. And yeah, what can I say? I've been doing my quiet time, I've been trying really hard to be single-minded, I really did, but poof! It was just a-snap-of-a finger easy to fall away.

I was confessing how pressurized I was feeling about all the assignments and lessons for the first two weeks and how worried I was getting. My mind was just so distracted and all I could think of were the responsibilities in my hands.

Emcee for vision tea. Emcee for Kaleidoscope. Design logo for Mr. Chong's company. Fill in the game plans for the racial and religious youth camp for YEC. Design the T-shirt for the camp. Study MRM. Revise advert notes. Do web critique assignment. Create a new idea for TV prod script. Blah. Blah. Blah.

And Mel asked me what did God teach me during my quiet time that morning, and my mind was a complete blank. Oh no. I was searching. Searching through my cluttered mind and trying really hard to dig out my quiet time memory that morning. I was quite lost. And I just wanted to cry. What was happening to me? Oh dear.

And them Yixuan shared about the things that she's going through too, and I realized that we're like on the same boat. And then I recalled what my quiet time was about, it was about idolatry. And then, that evening at the dinner table with my DG, God revealed the potential idol that was consuming my life.

After dinner, Yixuan and I spent time together at Sogurt and we talked about our walk with God and how we can be aligned to His will again and not to lose sight of Him. I really thank God for her gift of knowledge as it served as an encouragement to me.

We prayed for each other and parted ways.

Yesterday night, I was really tired. Overwhelmed. Distracted. Loaded. I wanted to study, but nothing will get into my head. So I just went to sleep.

Today, was a good day though! My heart is so filled with joy.

I knew that I had no more time to memorize my emcee script, so I have decided to read off the script no matter how unprofessional it may seem. I went to school, went for lessons, had a good time with my classmates, and today was a very prayerful day, I prayed at random times and random moments and it was good.

Then I rushed for Vision Tea after my lesson ended at 5.55pm, before that I was quite nervous, I don't really enjoy being an emcee. I always thought it was a tough and challenging role. But when I met Jamie, I was so encouraged and my mood was lighten and brighten up! Hehe. We rehearsed once through and all was good. God gave me the strength and courage to interact with the newcomers and I really enjoyed my time. I thought that my emceeing was one of the most enjoyable experience among all the other emceeing experiences I had. I really committed all things into the hands of the Lord and He gave me the words to speak, especially during transitions and all. It was awesome.

Usually, after emceeing and event, I would be so drained, and I'd swear I will never be the emcee for another event again(which was not always the case), but today, my heart was filled with joy and all praise and glory be to my Father in heaven!

I prayed and prayed, that I can lay my burdens at the foot of the cross and just trust Him in all circumstances. And today, my heart is light and my mood is bright. Thank God.

I can only say, I am afraid to be away from the presence of God. Sometimes, unknowingly, I would just be tempted to fall away from Him, but I must clarify, that I don't want to. Nevertheless, I will never leave His sight, and He will aways watch over me and be with me. He is a God who is quick to forgive those who repent. How great is our God.


When we get tired and the things of this world drained us, the children who once drifted away from their Father will eventually return to Him because that's where we can find our comfort and rest, being where God is, is where we belong.


When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey Him. -Deuteronomy 4:30

Setting healthy boundaries. Finding rest.

It's amazing how Jesus can bring people together.

If anyone actually noticed, the only reason why a church was even built is so that fellow believers can come together and worship God, God is the only reason why we even go to church. We come together to build a community just so we can learn together, worship together, grow stronger together, and reach out together!

It's just so amazing how God allowed people to come and go in my life. Indeed, good times I've been through, what seemed like worst times turned out to be a blessing in disguise!

I was hurt, I felt empty, I was all alone. But through all these, God humbled me and opened my eyes to see the condition of my broken heart. How much I needed to know that this Father in heaven loves me so much as to send His one and only son, Lord Jesus, to die on the cross for me to redeem me from the hands of the devil.

I really thank God for all the people He has placed in my life. I love meeting up with people and getting to know more about their lives, what they are going through and how they are handling things. I like to listen to them talk. I like to know more about them(: And I feel so honoured every time someone open up their hearts to share their deepest thoughts with me.

I am a talkative person, very talkative, especially when it concerns my faith and my relationship with God. I don't have to hide, I don't have to feel ashamed, because it is indeed the love of my heavenly Father that I am who I am now. But I like it more when people are more talkative than me! Haha!

As much as these people are people whom I love dearly, I can indeed be drained. I must say that many people fail to see the importance of having alone time. I used to be someone who likes to be busy and be occupied. Until one day, when I felt really tired, and I actually realised the importance of having alone time. There are too many things in this world that we can do, and it is impossible for us to do everything.

Okay, I think my writing structure is very messy. My mind's quite messy too. I'm literally writing freely, and writing whatever comes into my mind now. HAHA.

This morning, I had a meeting with one of the crusade staff, and we were having a discussion for the vision tea event on Saturday. At the end of the discussion, she asked me how can she pray for me, and I know that all I needed was to have a focused mind, a mind that is focused on God. My mind is just so cluttered again, and I'm actually quite distracted again. Partly because I am involved in the lives of so many people. And she actually brought up the subject of setting healthy boundaries. Mind very messed up now, maybe will elaborate in my future posts.

And this evening (: my very awesome SM, Mel, threw a mini surprise for me and the surprise was sweet and lovely Gracia! Hehehe. I so casually mentioned that I missed Gracia and I guessed Mel immediately planned for a meet up with the intentions of surprising me! She told me she wanted to have dinner with me, and I said OK! :D and then she made me close my eyes from the exit of the MRT station at Bugis and led me all the way to Macs with my eyes closed! And there was Gracia waiting for us at Macs! Hehehe. How sweet can my SM be? Hmmm... I miss Ma Ny, the kid from Cambodia, is she gonna make me close my eyes from Singapore and surprise me with our arrival at Cambodia? XD KIDDING. HAHA.

Anyway, we had a good time of fellowship(: And Gracia brought up the importance of having a Sabbath every week, a time of rest, a time with God, where and when God can really speak to us and refresh our spiritual health (: Sometimes, we are just too busy doing the things of this world that we forget that we are human BEANS and we need rest. Rest is very important! And I find my rest in God(:

Okay. This entry is very messy. NVM.

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. - Psalm 62:1- 2

Facing the Uncertain Future with Confidence!(:

Have you ever wondered what on earth are you here for? 


Is life really all about doing well in school, attaining remarkable grades, having a high CCA record, plainly serving the community, expressing yourself through music, dancing and the arts which can be rather enjoyable and appreciative? Is this all? Isn't there more to life?


I was in a state like that once.


Feeling all empty, lonely and living life like there's no purpose. Or rather, setting goals that are so high to reach! Setting goals according to the world's lowly standards. Setting goals which is ever-changing and never satisfying. 


When a goal is achieved, we are satisfied, for that short period, and a while later, we hunger for more, and we aim higher, and the higher we go, the more tired we get. What on earth am I here for? Who am I working so hard for?  Is it really just to have a good future ahead? Who am I trying to prove my worth too? Is it worth it getting all obsessed with earning acceptance from the people of this world? Who holds my future? What can I hope for in future? My future is so uncertain. 


Right now, thank the Lord, praise the Lord and all glory goes to my Father in heaven, for I don't worry about all these any longer. For I put my hope in Him and He gives me strength to face tomorrow. 


Just last week, on a particular day, I was just wondering to myself: What will I be doing in the future?


Well, don't get me wrong, I was just wondering... I am confident and hopeful for my future. But I was wondering, will God place me in an environment where ministry can be so intentional and straight-forward, or would He place me in an environment where ministry must be intentional but at the same time subtle, and not seem to be forced upon others.


And then, the amazing God opened my eyes to face the amazing truth.


Just a day after pondering about this question, I went for service the next day. And the the title of the sermon was "Facing the Uncertain Future with Confidence".


WOW. God, You always flash Your words of truth IN MY FACE. Haha. I love You.


As much as God our Father promised a future of good plans evident from Jeremiah 29:11-
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


But Jesus said the future is fearful.


Luke 21:25 - 26
There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken.


Paul declared that there will be confusion in the world.


2 Timothy 3:1 - 7
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to with such people. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of truth.


Peter proclaimed that there will be total destruction in the world.


2 Peter 3:10 - 12
But the day of the Lord will come like a thief, and then the heavens will pass away with  roar, and the heavenly bodies will be burned up and dissolved and the earth and the works that are done in it will be exposed.


So what can we say about the future then? Bleak? Fearful? Full of confusion with total destruction? Well, it may not necessarily end on the 21st December 2012. But the world sure would come to an end one day. Whatever it is, what lives will die some day right? What's new will turn old and be useless too right? And I believe the earth is the same. When it was created, there would be a time it would die too.


But I shall not fear! For I put all my hope and confidence in God, my Father in heaven!


Jesus said.


Matthew 6:31 - 32
So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.


I am so grateful that my God is a God of love. He acts as my Father on earth and in heaven, taking care of us, providing for our needs, and always going before us to make sure everything is well planned. I thank God for my daddy and mommy(: We sure are safe and secure in the Lord, as He leads us and guides us.


David's confidence in the Father's heart.



God knows my fears. He knows my mood. He knows all my ways. Even before I say anything Lord, You know. I will not doubt God. He is always with me. His presence is with me. ALWAYS. No one can run away form God. 

Is there a place to hide? To call our refuge? To be safe? I think at least for me, the only place is where God is. He is someone I can cling on to. 

And after I've listened to the sermon. God posted me a question.

Right now, life is good. All is good. I've got what I need, I've even got what I want. Everything seems to be going well for me in my life. But what if one day, tragedy strikes? What if something which seems undesirable or unfortunate happens to me? Will I still cling on to my Father in heaven? Can I still remember that I can find safety and security in Him? What if I forget Him? And then I drift away from the best place I could be! I WILL DIE.

Proverbs 3:5 - 6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

I can plan all I want, and I can dream all I want, but without God in these plans, I'm afraid they will be crushed! Let God's plans be my plans. 

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Matthew 6:33

Even as I'm on my journey of sanctification, may I always set my mind on eternal things and not temporal ones. Let me not allow greed to come into my life.

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things

- Colossians 3:1 - 2

The things of this earth will fade away.

God will not shortchange us, He blesses us abundantly, He never fails. 

When your faith and trust is in God, even in times of despair and confusion, you will be worry-free.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

- Matthew 6:33

My personal retreat with the Lord.

I thought the single-mindedness that I had with me in my mission trip would be brought back to Singapore too. How nice it was, when all I thought of back there and then was God and His people. God and the lost. The inner feelings I had when I came back to Singapore wasn't as overwhelming as my friends. I didn't carry much emotions. I thought I could adapt well. But I didn't realise that I had been suppressing my feelings and my thoughts. How much I miss every moment when my mind was so fully focused on God, how much I miss every moment when my mind wasn't as distracted and cluttered when I am in Singapore.

But I have to face all these business, it's part and parcel of my life! And instead of complaining and drowning in self-pity, whining about how much I want to be back there, and indulging in every moment of how I so freely and easily enter into the presence of God back there and then because there were no distractions, why not I make full use of my duties here to glorify my Father in heaven?(:

Yesterday, I went to the office and AUNTIE BECKY wasn't there! :OOO(aww man, I can't use emoji here. No fun.) Coz she took leave luh(: I thought she was sick, but it turned out, she just wanted to spend some time with God(: SO NICEEEE.

And something struck me. Ever since I came back, I haven't properly spend time with my Father, I felt so distant from Him. It's not like His presence is not with me, it's more like, my presence is not with Him! Oh dear, I felt so bad. I haven't been spending quality time with my Father in heaven.

All these while, He had been my refuge and strength, He is an ever-present help in my troubles. God is so awesome! The way He can have personal relationship with His children and how His presence never leaves us! All these are truths. God will never leave me. The earth will fade, people in my life come and go, but God will never fail, He never leaves me. I am still very touched by these truths and promises.

So, after I knew AUNTIE BECKY took leave just to spend time with our Father, I made a decision! I will go on a personal retreat! Yes! I will! So yesterday, I spent the night planning for my personal retreat the next day! And I shared my decision with my most awesomest-somest-somest SM-MELLLLLL! ;D

JASMIN'S PERSONAL RETREAT.

So during this personal retreat, God helped me to realize that my heart, my mind and my soul is still flying somewhere back in that place, and I had to bring my heart, my mind and my soul back to Singapore! Yes. I only realised it until today. I haven't really come back to Singapore. Physically, yes, mentally and spiritually? NO. So I really thank God for this personal retreat because I am now refreshed and truly back here!

When I came back to Singapore, I continued to give thanks to the Lord for my wonderful experiences in Cambodia, but I felt empty and weird as I couldn't listen to God as clearly or as sensitively as when I was in Cambodia. I was simply too distracted by the things of this world. Anything. Or... everything. School? Preparation for school? Preparation for vision teas. The media. Friends. Family. Whatever is it, my life in Singapore, the things in my hands, can get rather overwhelming at times. I'm not blaming the materials of these world nor am I blaming anyone for being in my life, I am thankful for all these. It's just that, sometimes, my heart and my mind, can be distracted and directed to the wrong places that separates my from God, causing me to slowly drift away from Him. I ams tarting to lose focus on things that are for eternity and am losing sight of the source that is my provider for life, I am losing sight of my eternal life. This is something I fervently pray that will not happen. So, I really need strength from God and I need to find rest in Him, to be refreshed once again to face the world and glorify Him.

Nevertheless, I am still thankful that God still wants to use me to do His will on this earth. I am thankful to be living in Singapore. I am thankful for the new friendships formed within the mission team. I thank Lord Jesus for really bringing people together. I thank Lord Jesus for giving me these sisters in Christ, and teaching me what it is to truly love and accept one another for who we are, and giving me opportunities to put these into practise. We are all very different in our own ways, but what connects us together is the love of God. I am sure I've offended my sisters at any point in our trip, and most of them, being older than me, are so humble and forgiving. This is the love of God that shines within our mission team, this driven love within us is from the strength of God. For we are too weak as humans to love so unconditionally.

I am thankful for the experiences I had there. Every moment of it, be it seeing the glory of God shine or be it facing rejections and spiritual warfare. I enjoyed every moment.

I am thankful that God brought me to Asia's Hope Orphan Home, there I saw the love and glory of God shining so passionately in these children. I am deeply touched and strongly encouraged as I see the faith, hope and love in the eyes of my brothers and sisters in Christ at Asia's Hope.

I am thankful for the relationship forged with Pu Songha and Pu Lim Bao Luo, and with the locals there.

I am grateful to be a child of God. I am grateful that You have adopted me into this spiritual family that will last for eternity. And all these is happening because of the sufferings Lord Jesus went through for us. I was paid a high price to be redeemed from the devil. Lord Jesus did it for me. I always fail Him, but He still love me to the extent that He died on the cross for me. This love is so hard to fathom and too great for me.

Through this retreat, God revealed to me the true meaning of being a Body in Christ. It is when all of us become one. Just like the Holy Trinity. The Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. They are 3 in 1. HAHA. I don't know how to explain.

But I don't think I can account my personal retreat today in 1 entry, because, it was quite long(:

But I still thank God for helping me review my personal objectives and giving me a new vision(:

And these are my anchor scriptures as I start a new school term! Romans 12:1-21, Matthew 5:13-16 and Acts 1:7-8

I had an awesome time with my heavenly Father today.

Taking time out to think about His goodness,

taking time out to reflect upon my sinful actions and confessing them to Him,

taking time out to give thanks to Him,

seeking Him in reviewing my personal objectives and laying them upon His word instead of my own thoughts and feelings,

praying and interceding,

once again abiding in Christ, being reminded that I am to remain in Him just as He will remain in my so that I may be a branch that will bear fruit because of His power.

May everyday be just as awesome with His presence with me every moment! I am hopeful! Thank the Lord!

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes form the mouth of God.' " -Matthew 4:4