Expectations

When you do not meet up to people's expectations, according to their own convenience, they say you've changed. 

But what if your personal change is really because of the change of priorities in your life? Does that make you any less you? Does that make you any more detestable? 

The ones who really knows what unconditional love is, are the ones who stick by your decisions in life through thick and thin (provided your decisions are really legit). And those who don't point fingers at you and accuse you of making silly decisions, criticizing you and mocking you. What love is it, when your decisions hinder his or her convenience and then he or she gets upset with you? 

Well, aren't we all still learning how to love. So let's not get upset but keep out from anger. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. 

What Does It Mean to Be Gospel-Centered

1. To be gospel-centered is first to do everything you do in reliance on blood-bought grace and promises.
2. To be gospel-centered is to do everything you do with a view of displaying the all-satisfying grace of God.
3. To be gospel-centered is to live so that you show the glory of God, treasuring above all things the One through whom grace comes.

John Piper, Desiring God Ministries

All to You

Just to be by Your side, there is hope in my life, there is no greater freedom I'll find. 

Take my life, all that I have to give

Take my world, just inhabit all of it

Take my dreams, make me assuredly Yours

"

All that I am, all that I have,

I lay them down before You, O Lord,

All my regrets, all my acclaims,

The joy and the pain I'm making them Yours

Things in the past, things yet unseen,

Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true

All of my heart, all of my praise,

My heart and my hands are lifted to You

"

So blessed, so grateful.

Anyway, something really random and divine happened this evening. I thought it's very cool how God works. 

This is divine. Yes. I prayed and am still praying. If you're reading this and you believe in prayer, please pray with me for my friend and my friend's dad (:

Unexplainable Tears

Sometimes you go to the altar, you kneel, then you cry and cry and cry. But you don't exactly know why.

I'm broken because I'm a sinner. Maybe I was crying, because I knew how broken I am and how much of a sinner I am. 

And I go on crying and crying and crying, hoping the tears that flow from my heart is a pleasing offering to the God who loves me so much, as to embrace me despite knowing all about me. 

Growing Humility, Humility Growing

I ever had a conversation with Melanie before, about people reaching the age of 24 and not being teachable anymore. 24 is just a random number la. HAHA. The point she's trying to make is, as we grow older, we'll tend to grow to be less teachable. And that is something both of us wanna guard against, because we wanna remain teachable and humble the rest of our lives. 

I know of someone who still remains teachable and humble. And this really humbles me. She was my lecturer, a mother of one and definitely a more 'experienced' Christian then me (if I have to put it that way teehee).

Being open and honest. Listening to my two cents worth. Thinking through the things that's been said. Hoping in The Lord whatever happens. And really reminding herself again and again that it's The Lord who defines her and not anyone else. 

Wow. Listening to some kid's (me) words of encouragement and affirmation. How humbling! Thank you, God! T_T

Emotionally Disconnected

When you train your mind too much to think about things, could it be possible that you neglect your heart to feel for things? 

Yea. Then most of the time, when this happens, you'd be misunderstood of having no compassion, no empathy, no love, no feelings. When really, that's not true. 

So just be careful, and really try to strike a balance between using the heart and the mind. 

It's something I would be working towards; striking a balance between the 2 (: because recently, I've been rather emotionally disconnected. 

Running in Circles

This is a follow up post from:
http://forever-i-am-changed.blogspot.sg/2014/11/mo-min-her-bargain-with-god.html

I was just running away from Him. And how foolish was I.

THE LITTLE GIRL WHO TOLD THE STORY OF JONAH

I was looking through my Facebook feed and stumbled across a video of a little girl. Maybe 7 years old. She told the whole story of Jonah and the Big Fish. And at that moment, I just thought to myself, what a sweet young girl. A very good storyteller. She told the story in such an engaging manner.

 But wasn’t that message for me? Who can run away from God?

WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE FINAL DECISION

One Saturday, I made my decision to stay on in Yakult. Accumulate my savings and decide again next year. After all, I have a tuition grant bond to serve, and my passport would only be ready next year. Let’s not think about missions for now. So, that afternoon, I prayed a brief prayer saying, “God, I have decided to stay on in Yakult. But if You think otherwise, please give me a sign.” And soon enough, I forgot about that prayer, just remembering my decision.

That evening, R-AGE had a movie screening, the movie title was, “Miral”. It was about the unrest in the Middle East. Actually, I couldn’t really understand half the movie, because we couldn’t put up the English subtitles. But throughout the movie, something tugged my heartstrings. 

Look at all the suffering people out there, in the world. And here I am, at the comforts of what I call, my home. With His direct ministry on earth, Jesus walked among those who suffered, those who were lost, those who were outcasts. And here I am, not suffering one bit for the Gospel’s sake.

After the movie, we were handed a magazine. I received that magazine for the first time. I just chucked it into my bag without looking at it. When I boarded the bus to go home, I was already very emotionally affected. I was distressed. I was sorrowed. Then, I took out the magazine from my bag and turned to the back cover page. And there was that very common verse; I’ve seen it so many times already. But I was more affected by it then.

Luke 10:2

And he said to them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

Following that, there was a question, “Is God calling you into His service to work cross-culturally?”

Like… How I know ah?! 

And I started tearing, trying to contain my tears. I most definitely didn’t want to make a rash decision based on my own emotions. But later that night, I remembered, didn’t I say a prayer in the afternoon, that if God thinks otherwise, He give me a sign? Is this the sign?

After reading the back cover page, I flipped to the cover page, and the magazine was actually titled, “Go.” 

Wow, why did it only stand out to me now?

Mo-min & Her Bargain with God

This is a follow up post from:
http://forever-i-am-changed.blogspot.sg/2014/11/strong-feelings-rational-thinking.html

GAOMIN (YOU REMIND ME OF MOSES)

One day, during one of my meet ups with Gaomin, I knew that my calling was full-time Christian ministry on the mission field. I was sure that I was born to live for God, suffer for God and die for God. But I contemplated and thought to myself... Missions? Maybe, just not now. Gaomin mentioned that I sounded like Moses, knowing that God has promised to give him the Promised Land and yet never reaching it. I then went home to understand Moses’ situation. Referring to Numbers 20:8-12, God had commanded Moses to speak to the rock for water. But Moses struck it twice instead. This incident of his blatant disobedience to God and taking the credit for bringing forth water (V10 Moses says, “Must we bring you water out of this rock?”) instead of attributing it to God was a serious offence. Apparently, in one of the commentaries (gotquestions.org) I read, this is how it was explained:

The water-giving rock is used as a symbol of Christ in 1 Corinthians 10:4. The rock was struck once in Exodus 17:6, just like Christ was crucified once (Hebrews 7:27). Moses’ speaking to the rock in Numbers 20 was to be a picture of prayer; instead, Moses angrily struck the rock, in effect, crucifying Christ again. His punishment for disobedience, pride, and the misrepresentation of Christ’s sacrifice was that he was barred from entering the Promised Land (Numbers 20:12).

So... it was because Moses sinned, that was why he never got to the Promise Land T_T There must be something that I have been doing that God sees as sin. I need to seek God and I need to pray. And so, this was my everyday prayer. That my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, would reveal His will to me.

MY BARGAIN WITH GOD

Never bargain with God. I have learnt not to take His love and mercy for granted. I have learned to fear Him more. In one of the combined cells again, I was teaching the lesson on Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and mother...” The only BIG reason why I was holding back my decision on doing missions was my parents. They wouldn’t support me. They would definitely be disappointed in me. But lo and behold, this lesson spoke to me the most. 

Here are my bargains and how God responded:

Can I work for a few more years, accumulate my savings, be financially stable and then go on regular mission trips? Sounds better. That works too, right?

Matthew 8:21-22

Another disciple said to him, “ Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”

But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”

What does this Scripture mean? In one of the commentaries that I read, it says: If that disciple’s father was really dead, he wouldn’t even be there with Jesus but most definitely seeing to the arrangement of his father’s wake or funeral. So he was obviously lying. MAYBE he wanted to wait for his father to pass on and receive a portion of his assets, have enough money in his pocket and then follow Jesus. This Scripture was telling the disciple to get his priorities straight. 
Jasmin, get your priorities straight.

Okay. I get it.

But I cannot leave now, my parents would prefer for me to get a job and have a stable income first. This is what most people are doing.

Luke 14:26

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters – yes, even their own life – such a person cannot be my disciple.

In this verse, the word hate that was translated from the original language means, “love less by comparison”. It doesn’t mean the negative kind of hate. A God of love would never advocate hatred of parents, spouses or siblings. Another focus is “even their own life”, can help us to understand the verse. All in all, total dedication to Jesus and the gospel, not alienation from family, is the goal.

Mark 10:29-30

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.

The emphasis in these verses isn’t de-valuing family ties, but bringing out the importance of the kingdom.

But I would need to give to my parents, right? How can I support my parents financially when I’m out there as a missionary? Am I not told to honor my parents; I have to take care of them.

Mark 7:6-13

Jesus rebukes those who come up with excuses just to get away from giving to their parents. What else can I say? If He has called me into this, wouldn’t He provide for us all?

God has been showing me the way, speaking to me and directing me. But there was I putting myself in a position of confusion, trying to run away from him with all sorts of excuses in which I thought was legit and logical. How faithless I was! Where was my trust to my God? Nowhere. 

Strong Feelings & Rational Thinking

This is a follow up post from:

http://forever-i-am-changed.blogspot.sg/2014/10/the-extent-of-my-divergence.html

How did I come to this decision? It's a loooooong story, as well as a long journey for me (: But I'm glad I went through it.

R-AGE ALPHA LIVE TALK (HOW DOES GOD GUIDE US)

I was allocated to do my sharing for the live talk at one of the R-AGE Alpha sessions, and my topic was, “How does God guide us?” On that very same evening, I was just at home, lying down on my sofa, using my phone (wasting my life away). Then, I had a sudden struck of emotions that surged through me very strongly.

Oh no, Jesus is coming back; there is no time to waste. There are people out there who have yet to hear the saving message of the Gospel, and here I am, making all sorts of humanly logical plans in my life and struggling and being overly concerned over my own spiritual growth. How selfish of me! How very selfish of me!

Wow. Why would I suddenly feel that way? All these while, I have been very inward looking, and I guess because of these, I haven’t felt the joy of the LORD for the longest of time and I felt like I lost touch having a personal and intimate relationship with Him. One of the main points in my sharing of the live talk was that God guides us through His Holy Spirit, so sometimes, we get a surge of very strong emotions or a thought that keeps bugging us, and trust me, I had experienced this once when God placed a bugging thought in my head that I tried to ignore, because His commands were against my will. Later on, this bugging feeling was confirmed in the Scriptures when I was doing my quiet time. So, maybe God was waking me up!

After that sudden thought encounter, I very much wanted to go for regular street evangelism and it has been coming to pass as I have Pamela as my “Fishing Buddy”! Praise the Lord!

I shared this with Melanie, and she lovingly reminded me that God is more concerned about me drawing closer to Him than my doing. Oh ya, I actually wasn’t very close to Him.

Then this happened -

COMBINED CELL LESSON WITH 团

Adler was teaching, and he asked 2 questions:

What recharges me and refreshes me?

When I’m actively evangelizing and discipling new believers. Through these, I would feel like I have encounters and experiences with God in a very real way. I also need to be alone, read my Bible and worship God, and then my heart can be open and settled to hear Him.

What helps you connect with God?

When I’m on mission trips. Then I feel the closest to God. I will never fail to hear God and I feel the closest to Him when doing direct ministry overseas.

If this is true of me, if I was created and designed this way, then shouldn’t I be heading towards this direction? 

I wonder.

Depth in the Gospel, Fullness of the Spirit

"

As I’ve studied what it means to be filled with the Spirit, one of the most surprising insights I’ve made is that Paul constantly equates fullness of the Spirit with depth in the gospel. In Ephesians Paul says that as we become more intimately aware of the largeness of the love of God in Christ, we have an experience of “all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:14–18). In Galatians he says that we grow more full of the Spirit in the same manner we first received him — by hearing and believing the gospel (Galatians 3:1–3). Depth in one leads to fullness in the other.

Many Reformed and Baptist people don’t make that connection. We think growth in the gospel merely yields new affections for, and joy in, God. And of course, that it does. But sometimes we don’t realize that the presence of those affections and joy is, in reality, the presence of a Person — a living, moving Person. It is God himself. The Spirit himself “floods our hearts” with the love of God, and cries up from our spirit “Abba, Father!” (Romans 5:5; 8:15).

“Charismatic” Christians can sometimes forget that fullness of the Spirit is found primarily in depth in the gospel. We seek him in the mystical and the spectacular, forgetting that the Spirit’s primary desire is to magnify Jesus in our hearts (John 16:14).

On both sides, we risk missing something absolutely critical. The Baptist/Reformed side majors on gospel and doctrine, but often has little to no awareness of the presence of the Spirit. The more charismatic side majors on the Spirit, but often forgets that he is tied to the gospel. Both sides need to learn that there is a profound and inseparable unity between the two.

By going deep into the gospel you become alive in the Spirit. Thus, as D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones said, “I spend half my time telling Christians to study doctrine, and the other half telling them doctrine is not enough!” We need to hear both.

"

J. D. Greear, Desiring God Ministries

Identity

Random Thought:

Who am I to give myself my own identity when I am not even my own creator.

Against the Tide 逆潮

Absolutely loving this show man.

What is this drama about?

《逆潮》让你看清人的本性。

Through a series of crimes, 'Against the Tide' leads its audience to delve into the grey areas of life. More specifically, we are led into exploring the realities of human nature. The plot demonstrates the tension between 2 beliefs of our 2 protagonists.

Are we kind by nature? As supported by the female protagonist, Qiu Xueqing.

Or are we evil by nature? As supported by the male protagonist, Di Shen.

In life, we are left with choices to make everytime. 

Are our decisions a reflection of our true nature, 

or are our decisions a result of our circumstances?

I think the show depicts struggles between the good and evil in an individual very realistically.

Even when as we know of criminals whose actions disgust us; murder, rape, assault, or whatever you can think of. We cannot deny that it is really because their heart is sick.

Yes, I mean, literally sick.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

The show does explicitly support Di Shen's beliefs; evil by nature.

It's not like I'm trying to be cynical and it's not like I think that this world is so evil beyond hope. (Sometimes, I do actually think this way though. Sometimes.)

But we need to know that we all have a problem. We all have problems (plural).

Though some people may say, "This is life, never perfect." And yes, that's true. But that is not a reason for us to accept all these problems the way it is. Because the root of all these problems comes from our hearts. Don't we have to admit that we are sick? Then we'd know the remedy and do something about all these problems, troubles, sufferings etc. Everybody has a dark side, right?

To be honest, I wouldn't deny the fact that my heart is wicked; I am self-centered and self-absorbed. I want to  please myself and make myself happy for selfish reasons. If I could please myself at the expense of others, why should I care? WOW WOW WOW. TRUE COLOURS. LOL.

But, as what Di Shen has said, it is only when I can acknowledge how evil I am, that I can make a choice to battle against this evilness in my heart and let love and kindness take victory in my life.

I'm try to always be on my guard.

When there's no faith, I ask for faith.

When there's no love, I ask for love.

When I don't want to display kindness, I fight against this evil desire.

When I don't want to trust God, I struggle and fight to trust God again.

When evil sets in, I fight for love to settle in.

And I am still fighting, I am still battling and I grieve over my evilness.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.

- Quote by Martin Luther King, 

American pastor, activist, humanitarian and 

leader in the African-American Civil Rights Movement.  

Btw, many people died in the show. LOL.

Aiyo, just go watch it. It's a good show.