我是神的孩子

Yes, yes. I am not a regular blogger ok? But I'm going to blog today! I just can't not record this down.

So, sem 3.1 was over like more than a month ago and I can still remember how my core modules would kill me. Particularly this module called Media Law. 

Yes. I am going to blog about how Media Law made me cry.

Just the first few weeks of school, I was already very stressed out by Media Law, I promise it is one of the modules that can get me to do consistent revision and that was exactly what I did after the first lecture and tutorial. 

I did my revision okay...

I admit I am not a very intellectual person. I don't like and am not interested in things like politics, economics and all the whatever business-ish stuffs ok. What more law?! Omgosh. Surprisingly, law is quite interesting lah (: but just a little bit hard for me to catch fast and understand. 

I remember, I would really like mobilize my friends who took law as one of their module and ask them questions and clarify and then get all stress over it!

There was once I asked my 好姐妹 Fer about contract law, and she said in a very matter of fact way, "So easy!" (Yes Fer, I know you'll be reading this. LOL.) And then I was quite taken aback and disappointed in myself for not grasping such an EASY concept well. So after that, I was with my group mates and we were discussing some law case studies and again, I didn't understand, and so I asked my other 好姐妹 Crystal to explain to me and she said, "Why you don't understand?" (But they weren't out to put me down, really. They were really nice. But I just had to be very hard on myself)

But... Okay! That's it! I AM OFFICIALLY SLOW AND STUPID. That was seriously what I thought to myself at that time and I just wanted to cry! I studied before our discussion of the case studies! Why don't I understand? Why was I so slow and stupid? I'm gonna do real bad for this module. I'm gonna FAIL!

So finally, in just a matter of weeks from the start of school, I begin to be really stressed out. I was worried. I was drowning myself in the fact that I'm slow and stupid and that I have to work extra hard to catch up with my friends.

I was really very sad.

So for the whole evening, I was just SAD. Sad okay. Sad.

I felt discouraged and I was tired.

So when I reached home in the evening, I just locked myself in the room and emo-ed. I thought it wasn't very healthy to keep my troubles to myself so I texted an older friend. But she didn't reply. Then because I was so emotionally and mentally down, I fell asleep and then I woke up again at night. Nope. Sleep did not make me feel any better. Such things don't actually work. I felt worst (Feelings and emotions usually gets magnified at night if you realize). 

So I texted Kristine jie. And she replied me with a bible verse.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Omgosh. How can I forget this verse? I seriously forgotten this verse at that point in my situation. I was, indeed, anxious. Yet, I've forgotten to tell God about it.

And then something very timely came. Another friend texted me and encouraged me to listen to some Christian songs. So I went to YouTube and typed, "耶稣爱你". I needed to hear that Jesus loves me at that point. So as I scrolled through the suggested videos, a song title caught my attention, it was 

"神的孩子". 

So I went to listen and I just broke down and cried.
God was speaking to me through the song.

神的孩子 不要沮丧

(I was really sad at that time and God told me not to be.)

举目向上望
(I was just looking at myself, 
at how slow and stupid I was 
and I forgot to look up at God to see 
how strong and mighty is He.)

神在天上 不分昼夜

时时看顾你

(He takes care of me day and night, 

He watches over me.)

虽有艰难 虽有愁苦

仍在他手里

(Even though I struggle, even though I'm sorrowed, it's okay... 

Because everything is under His control.)

他必叫万事互相效力

使你福杯满溢

(He will make all things work together for me to be filled again.)

不要看环境 不看自己
凡专心倚靠他的 必重新得力
(He assured me not to look at my environment or myself, 
but to depend on Him and He will renew my strength.)

每个祷告 他都垂听





千万别放弃




(He listens to my prayers.)

永远不要忘记

你要忠心走到底

(I shall walk by faith.)

神的孩子 在主爱中

得享他安息

(I am God's child and in His love I attain true peace.)

永远不要忘记
你是神所爱孩子

(I am God's child and He loves me.)

And back then, my prayers were cries of gladness and assurance. 

No one else can touch my heart like You do.