I still feel uncomfortable and uneasy.
When I look at her messages?
When I look at her pictures?
All, just by coincidence, I would still feel uneasy.
Although jiejie told me not to be bothered by it,
but i can't help myself to think about it.
It's like, already in me, like...
it has already left a scar in my heart?

I thought I would feel better after that night,
but, it's just for the time being,
that uneasy feeling is coming back to me.
That sense of insecurity ): it's like haunting me

Like I said, it's problems after problems.
I've always been an indecisive person,
when it comes to disspointing some people.
But, i somehow feel, they don't really welcome me?
I don't know, I just don't feel the spirit?
Or is it because i have been missing in action for so long?
Maybe it's just my fault ):

I thought I've decided, but I somehow...
Somehow feel it's wrong. so wrong?
As in, if i make that decision, i just feel...
like... it's not like that?
grrr... what am i talking about? =.=
I don't know what to do?
Why are there so many choices we have to make?
Maybe that's just life... ):

Maybe... counselling is the best for me?
But... where is the time? lols... zzz...

[[Everyone is born with challenges in their life, just don't give up and you'll never fail]]

Lol. People change.
I know you know that. I change too.
Anyway, (: what's the difference between
the old me? and the present me?
You don't expect me to be
crazy my whole life right? (:
Positive and enthusiastic for the rest of my life is okay(:
But crazy for the rest of my life is definitely a no (:
I'm still me (:

Huimin said to me,
Life is too short to be anyone else,
always be happy with what you have,
who you are and how you feel.
always remember you are you (:

I'm not being anyone else, I'm me.
I'm happy with what I have,
and I don't complain about things I don't have.
I'm satsfied with who i am, and of course,
you can't always be happy how you feel.
Don't tell me, you will still feel happy,
say when you got ditched by a guy? LOL. ;P
It's only an example (:
And I always remember that I am I.
It's just someone else, who always drill into my head,
saying I'm not me anymore.
But I won't get affected (:
Because, i trust and believe in myself (:

My change isn't a bad thing,
I think that it's not a bad thing.
Because my conscience is clear,
and I did not do anything wrong.
I just decided and make this choice to be who I am now.

There are many choices to make in life.
I may have made this decision,
some may be happy, some may not.
But at the end of the day,
the choice still lies with me.
Ya, and once I've made that choice,
i shall not regret it.

I don't just simply decide what to do,
I go through a lot of thinking,
reflecting and thinking of the consequences.
And of course, the consequences,
there are good and there are bad.
But I just have to sacrifice someone else's disspointment.
One will be happy while the other would be disspointed.
All I have to say is just sorry,
I still decided to do that ):
I myself will feel bad too...
But this feeling, would still be there.
I should just move on.
I hope you all won't blame me and try to put yourself in my shoes.
Because my situation is not any ordinary situation... ):

[[I hope you all won't blame me for what I decided to do]]

I've decided.

I'm still a positive thinker!

There are some things I can just leave a side and don't give a damn.
But i somehow feel irresponsible and bad?
But, it's not my problem anyway.
It's the fued between them.
I shouldn't care so much.

And as for my school work.
I really thought through it.
Got lectures from my father,
got counselling from jiejie and rockizuka...
(I wonder if i should still turn up this wednesday for counselling session?)
I really feel very vexed over this issue.
Both are my commitment, but one of them is my passion.
But... hais...
There are alot of reasons.
It's too many to explain.
I just feel bad, I have to sacrifice one.
I can't possibly sacrifice my studies...

Thanks Xiaobao.
Thanks jiejie and rockizuka.
Thanks Meixuan.

psps. i need you all relink.
coz of some personal reasons.
sorry for the trouble.

[[my eyes are stinging with pain D':]]